Standing on the edge
Between crazy and sense
Remember what I said
Nothing has to end

Won't you think it over
I'm not so good with words
I don't think you heard me
- The World is our Playground and We will
Always be home (Up Dharma Down)

I warn you: the proceeding chapters will be all about writing. In fandom. For anime series of which I am obssessed about and, most likely, be obssessed about for the next -oh, for the next 50 years or so.

You have been warned.

-----

/startrant

Just to get this off my chest: Damnit.I miss writing Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction. I miss writing Kaoru/Yahiko/Sano interaction. I miss writing action scenes with big, shiny swords because - let's face it, nobody does sword fighting like our dear Ken-san does.

I miss writing Meiji Japan. Period.

The sad part is, the idea I have for this particular fandom isn't even canon (on the the timeline, at least). It's Alternate Universe , which means I'm still in the process of researching culture, worlds, magicks, what-not. Of course,  this one will probably see the light of day around.. after five years?! After I finally get around to doing it? XD

I think the missing-Meiji-Japan-bit is interfering with it, since I kept re-writing the first part. I've re-written it so many times that Kaoru had already done her entrance to this fic like, a dozen times. Each one different.

...I think the only part that hadn't changed was Misao's, who liked her entrance just damn fine. Sadly, she was the only one who liked her part. Sanosuke tried to write himself in, but I really don't think its time for him yet.

I just wish Kaoru and Ken-san would be just as cooperative - but no, they'd have to be stubborn. Sigh. Where is my muse when I need her?

Maybe a drabble would appease my Rurouni Kenshin fix? Or maybe just plunge in and do a 100 situations challenge?

...or maybe just jump off a nearby cliff, whichever one would be easier.

/end rant

---

So anyway. That particular fandom done. I'm still on a rut with Bend and Not Break, because eh, I'm not done with the researching yet - actually, I haven't even started. ^^; I got distracted by reading too much Sesshomaru/Kagome at Dokuga and FFN.

I'm doing well on Canta Per Me though, which strikes me funny because that was the one that I put on hold (to put more focus on Bend and Not Break). Serves me right for thinking I can outmaneuver my muse, ha. Danse Dans Le Ciel is... plodding along.

Chase This Light is on a somewhat hiatus. I know what's going to happen for the next chapter, but I don't know how to go about it since well, I'm not exactly sure about seals (and Hinata is supposed to be a seal master for this one). Maybe I could equate seals to rune/magic circles and go from there? Perhaps? I need someone to bounce ideas off this.

---

So, geekage. Mark (my better half) and I are still waist-deep in his campaign, and had my character have a major fight against one of his mini-bosses. It was the first RPG fight we've ever had in ages that involved dices (because, one way or another, I continually find loops in his rulebook that lets me exploit and renders dice rolling useless. *rolls eyes* I still say Mark couldn't resist spoiling my character a bit, eh.), and it was a bit... exciting? Frustrating? Eh, non-climactic?

Since it was a spur of the moment thing, I didn't bring my dices (Verdandi, Urd, and Skuld; yes, I have three d20 dices, and yes,I named them after the three Norse Goddesses of Fate and not Ah! Megami-sama.), he let me borrow his. and gad, he totally pawned me in dice-rolling!

Mark kept churning out almost criticals (15 and above) while miserable-I churned out almost critical failures (6 and below). It was only when he looked at the die that we were using that we realized why.

The d20 that we were using was color black - his player-killer, the one he uses when he wants to utterly defeat an idiotic player - which doesn't really occur that often, except for this one year. So all his rage and player-kill intent in this die, and here I am using it...

...of course it backfired on me, eh. It was a good thing he had two other d20s (one in white, one in violet). I used the violet one, and, finally, was able to roll acceptable strike, dodge, parry, and save scores. Huff.

But I swear, next time...

---

While I am sorely tempted to write about work, I think I pepper my Plurk with enough of it, everyday. So I'm cutting abck on it and just keeping my mind off things that are supposed to stay behind when I go home.

Ooooh, you have no idea how long I've wanted to say that! :D

Anyway. Must write.

---

I haven't been writing here, haven't I? I mean, I updated yesterday, but it doesn't really count since it was more of a question than anything else. Too bad you can't really delete those who friended you, only those you have a 'mutual friend' status thing.

Just a little note: If you'd like to keep updated with what I'm doing -although I'm warning you, it'll be more of work than anything else- you can find me here. And while you're there, join Plurk! It's seriously kinda fun.

So. Continuing. Nothing much as happened; Mark and I celebrated our 5th anniversary and seriously talked about tying the knot next year (I know, I know - I've been blathering about it for a long time already. Well, IRL.); but it looks like it'll be held up for, well, maybe another year. I dunno. I'll keep you posted? Or maybe we'll just run away and get married in Vegas but then again that's going to be ridiculously expensive not to mention stupid.

We've also taken a hiatus from my current Pen and Paper (or good ol' fashioned Table-top RPG) character, Elisha, and just for a whim, took up one of my old characters and did a side story (that would be Celest). We're still continuing now, although its a bit of a challenge since we don't remember her skills that much. It's fun, though. Elisha is so nice and stoic that it's a relief to play someone bitchy and quiet. And with mad shadow skillz yo!

Anyway. Right now my ani-ue and I are contemplating buying an XBox 360 just so that we can play games we'd like (hello, Star Wars: Force Unleashed~! You sorely disappointed me with your PSP version T_T I sincerely hope your XBox version would be better), but Mark would like both of us to buy Wii instead, because it's seriously fun. Plus he'd like to be able to play Monster Hunter, too. as if playing it on his PSP everyday ain't enough eh

I haven't been drawing. I miss drawing my characters. I've resorted to haunting a local bookstore's art section, i'm that deprived. I have no time left to draw though (I can just hear the horror of my art teacher - "You always make time for drawing, hija."), and all I can do is just longingly look at those sketchbooks and pencils. And colored pencils. And markers. And -

...yes, I know, stopping before I completely go to the deep end.

I've been writing, if that's any consolation. I've already finished Canta Per Me Chapter Two and Three (if you count the prologue, that is) and I'm already mid-way to Chapter Four, but due to listening to some trance/electronica music, it's getting darker than it should've been. Yay? I'm annoyed though - Sasuke doesn't like to be handled, and it shows even when I'm writing him. He's acting so OOC (in my opinion) and wouldn't listen to me! Bah humbug.

I've finished with Chapter Two of Broken Smile, and contemplating on starting on Chapter Three. I say contemplating because I'm still re-drafting the chapter outline. But oh well. It'l write itself when it's ready (so write yourself already, damnit!). Bend and Not Break is still being a mule and digging in it's heels and not wanting to be written. Well, that was a week ago I've saved so many deleted scenes that I've lost count eh. I've finally hit upon an insipiration and should actually be writing it now, but I need to research Noh and Kabuki, first.

Jesus Christ. Where the heck am I finding the time to write all of these? I am continually in awe of myself my writing muses. Where the hell are they finding the energy? D:

On another note: I hit upon the realization that when I grew up, I became a potty mouth. Yeah, my mouth's so hella dirty! In both languages! I don't know whether I should thank my ani-ue or be properly horrified that I have to actually watch every itty bitty word that comes out of my mouth, un.

I'm flat-out broke. Yeah, that's nothing new. After buying like 2190384 pairs of shoes last December, yeah, I'm seriously broke. But hey, shoes! You can never go wrong with shoes.

My hair is still growing like a weed - after several years of me continually chopping it off (ever since college, it never went past my shoulders. It's like I have a hair-length phobia or something.), it's now past my shoulders. I'm growing it out because.. I'm contrary? XD

When it's long enough I might have it curled, but don't hold your breath. My officemates have continually told me they'll forsake me if I ever do go through that.

Maybe I'll have it coloured, who knows? Strangely enough, this year is turning to be unpredictable. Oh, yay.

This post is unlocked, due to writing update.

I keep finding myself singing this song, somehow. I'm reminded of my college days whenever I sing this.

YOU FIRST BELIEVED
hoku

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace

So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

There were times
When I'd thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star

....up until this day, I still find it apt to sing to Mark. :)